august 06, 2008

dont make me hate you
for something i should not hate you for,
like how you would look at me so deeply
and just casually leave me aside.
believe me,
i think all of this over when im alone
and i hate you for making me
bleed, recover and cringe
all at the same time
not because i dont have time to arrange them in stages,
but simply because they come all together in knowing you.
it hurts when i get close,
but it even hurts more when i dont.
i just think
that when im older
ill think more rationally.
but im already older,
and maybe this is me thinking rationally..

when the ice is almost water

and my beer is alone

i start wishing that i could

smoke

just so

i could do something else

and not look awkward

sitting in front of you

watching the ice melt.

i ask what's wrong

and all i get

is a monosyllabic response.

i nod,

pretending satisfied

when deep inside

i explode in little, miserable

pieces

very slowly

that i suddenly grab my beer

and drink all of it

without ice.

you ask

what's wrong

and i give you

a monosyllabic response.

you nod,

looking satisfied

and i start asking myself

what's the point of me staying

when this is how you make me

feel.

but i always stay

and the fact of me staying here

makes me wish

that i could smoke

just so

i wouldn't look awkward.

- written august 11, 2008