now how about you let me go?

It's funny how we talked about search pages tonight.

You don't believe in them, you said. Cos no matter whose name you put there to search, it leads you back to my page. So it's useless searching for someone else when everything leads you back to me anyway.

Funny. And I hope you're kidding.

sometimes, they come back.

they wait until you are at your weakest and redeem themselves.

toothbrush

i don't usually go out drinking whenever i got work the next day. two nights ago, however, i came home not as sober as i was expecting. i was not supposed to drink, but the beer was just way too inviting.

i brushed my teeth, and on my way out of the bathroom, i saw my toothbrush floating in the toilet bowl. i didn't even know how it got there.

i stooped down, and watched it that way for quite some time. i was comprehending things slowly. 'my toothbrush fell into the bowl. my toothbrush fell into the bowl. my toothbrush fell into the bowl..'

almost a year ago, i was the happiest person i could remember. simply because you made me. what happened, exactly? since we fell apart, everything else seemed like a lie. you were the only truth i ever held on to. but now that you've gone, i feel so vulnerable to all these lies. unprotected and unsafe.

holding on to the rim of the bowl for support, i stood up and picked up the toothbrush to throw it into the waste basket.

im tired. really, i am.

the longest time i ever spent in front of the toilet bowl, and through it all, i only thought about you.

absolutely, ultimately misled.

do not let your guards down.

sometimes, all it just takes, is for you to stop believing.

the heartaches. they line up and wait for your attention. now that you have learned not to trust, you have to not trust more. gots to look at them all in the eye. some people are fated that way.

ultimately misled.

i have lesser things to write about.

maybe,
maybe,
the heartaches are getting lesser too.